"Steal my Show"

My life has always been one big emotional roller coaster - full of drama. In fact, many people have described me to be a person of extremes - always high or low, hot or cold, never anything in between. It's true. On the bright side, at least it keeps things exciting! However, the past two weeks have been particularly emotionally turbulent...

For a while I've been riding high. I've had a lot of personal development and inspiration going on. But I've also been having several health issues - and in one week had two different doctors (unrelated) call me to come in after receiving routine test results/bloodwork. Both wanted to schedule procedures as soon as possible - one to take biopsies for cervical cancer, the other to take biopsies of the stomach/small intestine to officially diagnose me with celiac disease. My stomach drops as the coaster plummets.

Amidst all of that, the theatre group I am in called Black Gold Productions, debuted this year's show, in which I was the lead character, and have been having a blast. A happy hill amidst valleys. On opening night, I learned that a good friend of BGP, Wes Jones, had passed away from his battle with cancer. Ironic that we found out that evening, since all of the money we raise goes to the American Cancer Society. 

That night, after I celebrated the opening of our show, I came home and got a call from my dad that my grandfather had passed away. The box car I am in plummets yet again. His passing was expected and peaceful, but that doesn't put a sudden end to the grief. 

The following Monday morning I attended Wes's memorial and service. I was already teetering on an emotional ledge, when I got a call from one of my doctors with the results from the first biopsy test. They found more abnormal cells present than originally thought, with a strong positive for being pre-cancerous, and need to perform yet another procedure immediately - this one will actually be surgical and done in the hospital. Another plummet - and I thought I could go no lower. 

Tuesday I had the endoscopy - though I don't know about those biopsy results yet, I did learn that I also have two ulcers. Will this ride ever stabilize? 

Wednesday and Thursday I was in Fresno for my grandfather's viewing, funeral, and memorial service. On Friday, I crawled back into work feeling quite dizzy and battered. I'm glad I decided to make it in though - I ended up having my performance review that day and learned that I had finally received a long-due promotion. My stomach is in my toes as the coaster heads skyward! That evening, I performed on stage in high spirits. Saturday was the last night of our show, and afterwards was our cast party. I end on a good note. However, that is a lot to take in, in just 14 days. I feel completely exhausted - mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I know that looking at things through a big pictures lens, these two weeks don't seem so awful. Other people are going through worse things. I have been through worse times. But it was enough to make me slow down amidst the chaos and think about what it important to me. 

Attending two memorials in that time really added some perspective. My friend Wes had a beautiful service, his family and pastors spoke wonderful words about him and the true legacy he is leaving behind on this earth. He had been involved with Awanas for 24 years. Him and his family also founded "Joy from Jaidyn" - a ministry that provides toys to Valley Children's Hospital - in honor of his granddaughter that passed away a few years ago. At the service, the altar steps were completely covered with toys, and I cried when I thought how happy this would have made Wes. 

My grandfather had a servant's heart as well. He was probably the most Christian man I knew, and he dedicated 63 years of his life in service to the Masonic Temple. Both of these men loved Jesus with all of their hearts, and I can't imagine how many lives they touched and how much work they have done for the Kingdom of God. I look up to and respect both men, and hope that I can be more like them. I hope that I am able to glorify God in every moment of my life, no matter if it's high or low. 

I'm not sure what the last two weeks of my life were all about, and I am still nervous about some of the things to come, but I do know that no matter what happens, God knows what He is doing, and I trust Him with everything. As I say often, when you can't think of the right words to explain what you mean, you can usually find a song that does, and it will say it better than you ever could. My current situation is no exception - I have become particularly fond of the lyrics at the end of Toby Mac's new song "Steal My Show" (especially in light of my recent stage experience!):
"My life, my friends, my heart, it's all Yours God
My dreams, my fears, my family, my career
Take it away, it's You I wanna live for..."

 Amidst pain, suffering, fear, joy, happiness, life, death, test results, work, play - God is ever present. God is so big His presence blots out everything else. 

At my grandfather's service, I was asked to sing his favorite hymn, "In the Garden". The lyrics that stood out to me as I sang were "I'd stay in the garden with Him, though the night around me be falling, and the joy we share, as we tarry there, no other has ever known". Yes, what JOY to simply walk with my Savior! If nothing else remained, He would still be enough for me. I hope that my life reflects that belief, and that others can see it as well. I hope my life points others toward Christ - because it's all about Him. Feel free to steal my show anytime, God.